So I sit in front of my laptop.Workout videos checked out with my “Hmm I could try that, but not right now” attitude. I turn to videos of dogs talking and doing cute things, and cats being, well, lazy curious creatures. Suddenly I feel the need..the need for speed? No, not at all, I have a bad migraine so I am not moving till it is time to go to work. My kids can eat bologna and cheese for dinner cause mommy is done, right?
Well, no, I have an obligation to feed them lest I go to mommy jail. I log into WordPress and the reader pops up, and as I read i come upon http://aopinionatedman.com/ and his “Bucket list”, I only read it because in his first line says he want to punch Brady in the head, and I am like “oh whoa what the fuck?” I am sooo going to defend my boo, I am so going to give this OM a fist-full of Brady power right now, but I keep reading, and I find his “Bucket list” hilarious. Of course I comment on the snickers bar line, because well I have been starving for days, Scared of eating one calorie and gaining back the 70lbs I lost. Hence the migraine.
So now I started a dialogue about frikkin candy, why do I do this to myself??? Oh man the bucket of trick or treating candy is on the counter and it is calling me, literally I can hear it screaming, Snickers, Kit Kat, Fucking Almond Joy, oh Almond Joy how I love thee. and I sit here like a crack head in front of the crash house itching and pacing back and forth. Guess what I gave in, I ate a fucking kit kat bar, and almond Joy, and a tiny box of Nerds. My migraine is gone but the guilt, the guilt is killing me. I want to walk into the nearest precinct and tell them how I massacred my kid’s candy stash and how when she gets home she is going to give me the “look” and how tomorrow I am going to be fat again.
But then I read a few more blogs, I check out my stats and everything is right with the world again. The scale says I am still ok and maybe I will walk up to the attic to burn some calories to even myself out, yeah probably not.
Check him out it might save your life, probably not, but at least you can pretend you learned something.